"Being single is sad," "Marriage is dumb," and lots of other things we should never say again.

I am not a big facebooker. In fact, I rarely ever got on Facebook before November of last year. At that point, it became a sort of cathartic place for me to go, where my friends and I could share stories of loved ones and encourage one another in a time of loss. I spent a good portion of November and December checking Facebook pretty regularly to look for these encouraging words, and it became a habit for me. There's nothing wrong with a Facebook habit. In fact, you can learn lots and lots of things on Facebook. Everyone seems to have an opinion there that they feel comfortable expressing, so you learn lots of aspects of lots of issues.

Recently, I have noticed lots of sharers on the subject of singleness and marriage. These people fall into six main categories (maybe there are more, but these sharers are certainly the loudest): people who are single and happy, people who are married and happy, people who are single and upset, people who are single and angry about people who are married, people who are married and scoff at those who are single, and married people who are mad at single people for being mad at married people.

I'm just going to be super honest about this, not many of those groups are thinking the right way about the issue. I don't claim to know everything about being single or being married, but I do know that the bible teaches us about it.

1 Corinthians 7 (Emphasis mine)

Now concerning the matters about which you wrote: “It is good for a man not to have sexual relations with a woman.” ² But because of the temptation to sexual immorality, each man should have his own wife and each woman her own husband. ³ The husband should give to his wife her conjugal rights, and likewise the wife to her husband. ⁴ For the wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. Likewise the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does. ⁵ Do not deprive one another, except perhaps by agreement for a limited time, that you may devote yourselves to prayer; but then come together again, so that Satan may not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.
⁶ Now as a concession, not a command, I say this. ⁷ I wish that all were as I myself am. But each has his own gift from God, one of one kind and one of another.
⁸ To the unmarried and the widows I say that it is good for them to remain single as I am. ⁹ But if they cannot exercise self-control, they should marry. For it is better to marry than to burn with passion.
¹⁰ To the married I give this charge (not I, but the Lord): the wife should not separate from her husband ¹¹ (but if she does, she should remain unmarried or else be reconciled to her husband), and the husband should not divorce his wife.
¹² To the rest I say (I, not the Lord) that if any brother has a wife who is an unbeliever, and she consents to live with him, he should not divorce her. ¹³ If any woman has a husband who is an unbeliever, and he consents to live with her, she should not divorce him. ¹⁴ For the unbelieving husband is made holy because of his wife, and the unbelieving wife is made holy because of her husband. Otherwise your children would be unclean, but as it is, they are holy. ¹⁵ But if the unbelieving partner separates, let it be so. In such cases the brother or sister is not enslaved. God has called you to peace. ¹⁶ For how do you know, wife, whether you will save your husband? Or how do you know, husband, whether you will save your wife?
¹⁷ Only let each person lead the life that the Lord has assigned to him, and to which God has called him. This is my rule in all the churches. ¹⁸ Was anyone at the time of his call already circumcised? Let him not seek to remove the marks of circumcision. Was anyone at the time of his call uncircumcised? Let him not seek circumcision. ¹⁹ For neither circumcision counts for anything nor uncircumcision, but keeping the commandments of God. ²⁰ Each one should remain in the condition in which he was called. ²¹ Were you a bondservant when called? Do not be concerned about it. (But if you can gain your freedom, avail yourself of the opportunity.) ²² For he who was called in the Lord as a bondservant is a freedman of the Lord. Likewise he who was free when called is a bondservant of Christ. ²³ You were bought with a price; do not become bondservants of men. ²⁴ So, brothers, in whatever condition each was called, there let him remain with God.
²⁵ Now concerning the betrothed, I have no command from the Lord, but I give my judgment as one who by the Lord's mercy is trustworthy. ²⁶ I think that in view of the present distress it is good for a person to remain as he is. ²⁷ Are you bound to a wife? Do not seek to be free. Are you free from a wife? Do not seek a wife. ²⁸ But if you do marry, you have not sinned, and if a betrothed woman marries, she has not sinned. Yet those who marry will have worldly troubles, and I would spare you that. ²⁹ This is what I mean, brothers: the appointed time has grown very short. From now on, let those who have wives live as though they had none, ³⁰ and those who mourn as though they were not mourning, and those who rejoice as though they were not rejoicing, and those who buy as though they had no goods, ³¹ and those who deal with the world as though they had no dealings with it. For the present form of this world is passing away.
³² I want you to be free from anxieties. The unmarried man is anxious about the things of the Lord, how to please the Lord. ³³ But the married man is anxious about worldly things, how to please his wife, ³⁴ and his interests are divided. And the unmarried or betrothed woman is anxious about the things of the Lord, how to be holy in body and spirit. But the married woman is anxious about worldly things, how to please her husband. ³⁵ I say this for your own benefit, not to lay any restraint upon you, but to promote good order and to secure your undivided devotion to the Lord.
³⁶ If anyone thinks that he is not behaving properly toward his betrothed, if his passions are strong, and it has to be, let him do as he wishes: let them marry—it is no sin. ³⁷ But whoever is firmly established in his heart, being under no necessity but having his desire under control, and has determined this in his heart, to keep her as his betrothed, he will do well. ³⁸ So then he who marries his betrothed does well, and he who refrains from marriage will do even better.
³⁹ A wife is bound to her husband as long as he lives. But if her husband dies, she is free to be married to whom she wishes, only in the Lord. ⁴⁰ Yet in my judgment she is happier if she remains as she is. And I think that I too have the Spirit of God.

In the above passage (it's lengthy, sorry not sorry, it's important) I've keyed in on some things that I think are really important. In red I've emphasized the positive things Paul had to say to single people (it is good for them to remain single, the unmarried man is anxious about the things of the Lord, etc.). In blue I've emphasized the positive things Paul said to those who wished to marry or were married (they should marry, you have not sinned, etc.). However, the most pertinent points to the discussion here I bolded throughout the text.


But each has his own gift from God

• It's ridiculous to think that we are all the same. We aren't all the same and we aren't all going to be going though the same experiences at the same times or be called by the Lord to do the same things.

Only let each person lead the life that the Lord has assigned to him, and to which God has called him

• In whatever circumstance you find yourself, live your life. God gave you the life he gave you and he wants you to use it, not be mad about it.

but keeping the commandments of God

• Keeping God's commandments is of the utmost importance, no matter what your circumstance is.

  I want you to be free from anxieties

• Be about the Lord's business, don't worry about the things of the world. 

 secure your undivided devotion to the Lord

• Christians should want other Christians to be fully devoted to the Lord (married or single, Paul tells us marriage isn't wrong. It's from God)  

So then he who marries his betrothed does well, and he who refrains from marriage will do even better.

• The one who marries does well and the one who doesn't marry does well. Paul says that the unmarried will do better only because he can be fully devoted to the Lord. The key to his success is not singleness, it is devotion.

The important thing is not if we are married or if we are single. The important thing is that we are serving God in every circumstance. Some people are married right now and some people aren't. Some people will eventually get married, and some people wont. Their task is not different, only their circumstance.

God gave us marriage, but he also gave us times in our life when we aren't married. Let's make the best use of both circumstances, and be happy for our brothers and sisters who get to serve God in a different way than we do at this particular moment. There is no need to pity ourselves, or the people who are in a different stage in their lives than we are. And there is no reason to be bitter or angry that other people are happy in their circumstances. There is only a need to be fully devoted to the Lord. 



So, thinking again about the issue of Facebook that I started with...instead of typing out long diatribes about who is wrong or right or who lives a better life than whom, we could exhort each other in a more productive way:

If right now you are single, that's great! Do God's work.
If right now you are married, that's great too! Do God's work together.
 

"Meet me in the church, we're gonna pray. Anywhere you meet me guarantee we're gonna pray"

Some of my friends and I have this habit of changing the words in songs on the radio so that they no longer refer to bad things. I don't know how this practice originated, but it's a pretty fun road trip game. Songs become about marriage, baptism, bible study, or the holy spirit instead of fornication, gang violence, clubbing, or doing drugs. I always thought this was just a fun little thing that we did, but recently I thought of some important lessons that I could draw from this practice. I want to share them with you here:

1. We have to put effort forward to think about good things. In Philippians 4:8 we are encouraged: "Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things." But it's not as if the world is just tripping over itself to offer us wholesome things to think about. I believe in monitoring what we subject ourselves to, but sometimes we are going to just have to make the best of things that we can't avoid. I want to return for a moment to the example about songs on the radio. The other day as I was driving to school that song "Dead and Gone" by TI came on the radio. Now I'm pretty certain this song teaches terrible messages, but it was just playing in the background (on the radio station that wasn't playing commercials) while I thought of other things. Suddenly, however, the song came into the forefront of my mind as I heard these lyrics: Oh hey, I've been travelin' on this road too long Just tryin' to find my way back home But the old me's dead and gone Dead and gone... In an otherwise completely unwholesome song, there were messages about repentance and striving for home that could easily apply to the Christian walk. That's when I thought to myself "I need to be looking for these sorts of things!" This brings me to my next point.
2. As Christians, we should strive to make everything in our lives about God and Christ Jesus (because it is). This isn't always manifested directly, as it is when you change the words in songs to be about scriptural things. I'm not saying that you should make eating your morning cereal "about" Christ (although if you could think about Christ through eating cereal I think that's great, the more time we spend "thinking on these things," the better), but in some ways everything we do and every situation we encounter is connected to Christ and our Christian faith. I think about Titus 2. In this chapter, Paul tells the brethren how they are supposed to act, and gives them a rationale that explains why they should act this way. I especially like the way the NIV reads about slaves (9-10) "Teach slaves to be subject to their masters in everything, to try to please them, not to talk back to them, and not to steal from them, but to show that they can be fully trusted, so that in every way they will make the teaching about God our Savior attractive." The way they do their jobs is intended to show the greatness of God and the goodness of his revelation. I don't think we should be ignorant of that. Every situation we are in should show shows other people something about God whether or not we are aware of it. So, let's be aware. We need to be asking ourselves things like "How can I best reflect Christ in this situation?" and "How does this relate to my walk as a Christian, to the Bible, or to moral principles?" I think a good way to train ourselves to think that way and act that way (as I've mentioned above) is to make things about God. Let's relate things on the radio to the bible, things on the news to God, and the things we learn in school to the death, burial, and resurrection of Jesus Christ.  

 
It's time for us to "make the best use of the time" (Eph 5:16). Let's put effort into thinking about the goodness of God, his law, and his love for us in all circumstances so that we may glorify Him.

Ps 34:17 Jas 5:16

I wrote a post earlier in the week, but I wasn't sure about it so I didn't post it. Now I'm glad I didn't because a remarkable thing happened to me today...

Let me back up to yesterday. Yesterday I was very discouraged about my environment. I'm the only Christian in my department at school. And that's fine. I'm sure lots of people share that experience. People talk about the "myth" of the bible in my classes and how Jesus Christ isn't a historical figure. I never appreciate their error, but I can usually persevere. Yesterday, however, we had a social gathering of sorts to kick off the semester. People talked about things I didn't want to talk about as a Christian, drank things I wouldn't drink as a Christian, acted in a way I just wouldn't act as a Christian. Fine, no big deal, that's my every day. But then something happened that really bothered me. It bothered me so much, in fact, that all of the other things that I usually just let go began to bother me too.      I told my friends I had to leave (before the party was over) and when they asked why I told them that I was going to church and that I didn't want to be late. That made everyone very confused and uncomfortable. Confused and uncomfortable. These people know that I'm a Christian and yet, they don't know how to respond to the fact that I'm acting like one.

That made me very sad. I began to think to myself "Maybe it doesn't even matter to them if I'm a Christian. Maybe the fact that they flippantly reject the Bible is a product of me doing nothing--being nothing different. Maybe I'm wasting my opportunity here."

And then I thought of Ezekiel and how he was commanded to be the watchman for Israel--he was responsible for them. He had to give them the message. Had I not followed his example?

I didn't know if all of those thoughts were true or if I was just being dramatic, but I knew that the best way to handle those sorts of feelings was to pray. I prayed that I would do better. That I would have opportunities to talk to my friends and my peers and that I would take them and run with them. I prayed that I would be given courage to be exactly the person that I needed to be to make a difference, regardless of how I had done in the past.

This where what I want to share with you begins. That absolutely worked. Prayer worked. God worked in my life. And it was a wonderful thing. The more I think about it, the more wonderful it is. The Creator of the universe listened to me begging him to give me the chance to share him with other people, and he granted my request. He let the world continue to exist today, he allowed me to continue living, he let me get to school safely, he let my friends get to school safely, and he opportunity. Because of Him, I get to share this story with you now:

Today one of my friends came to me and asked me what she called "a personal question". She wanted to know how it was for me as a Christian person to study Islam so closely like we are this semester. God opened the door for me in that moment to talk about his gospel and his goodness and why it is that I want people to believe in him, and why it is that I believe in him. And he has continued to open doors so that I will have opportunities very soon to talk with my professors about my faith as well.

What an awesome God I serve. In my weakness he gave me strength and opportunity. That's not me at all. That's zero percent me. Yesterday I said to myself "They don't care about my faith. This is an impossible scenario." When all the while Christ was saying to me "With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible." (Matt 19:26)

Let us praise God's power, his acute awareness of our needs, and his willingness to answer our prayers so that we can serve him more effectively.



“Ask, and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives, and the one who seeks finds, and to the one who knocks it will be opened. Or which one of you, if his son asks him for bread, will give him a stone? Or if he asks for a fish, will give him a serpent?  If you then, who are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father who is in heaven give good things to those who ask him!" Matthew 7:7-11

A Part of the Club

During my undergraduate career, I was privileged to be a part of two different honors societies. These societies accepted people based on grades and had specific standards you had to uphold to retain membership. My senior year, I was the vice president of our school's chapter of Phi Theta Cappa. There was a separate set of requirements that I had to meet and standards I had to maintain for this office. I took an oath and everything.

None of this seemed strange to me. Almost any sort of club or group has rules about joining and maintaining membership. I haven't done any scientific research on this, but the general breakdown seems to be fairly straightforward. To join a club one must:

1. Share the interests of those in the club (whether it be a love of birdwatching, or a commitment to academic excellence)
2. Express interest in joining the club (how will they know to accept you if you don't make an effort?)
3. Usually pay some sort of dues (whether they be monetary or not)
4. Agree to abide by the rules of the club (come to the bi-weekly meetings, maintain a certain GPA, etc.)
5. Actually abide by these rules (once you've made an agreement, there can be consequences if you don't follow through)

Like I said, it's pretty straight forward. So here's my question: Why do we want to believe that there isn't a set of standards that allow people to be accepted into, and maintain a position in, the Lord's body (read universal church)? Now I wouldn't say that the universal church is a "club," per se, but it is certainly an organization with standards. So, it stands to reason that it would have the same sort of requirements of any other group. We like to deny these requirements in the name of "grace" and "acceptance," but organizations don't work that way. Could you imagine if a college didn't hold it's honors societies to some sort of academic standard... "It's okay. You had a good GPA at one point--that's what counts. We'll let you stay in this society even though you have a 1.0 now. No big deal."     That would be laughable. If there isn't a standard that is upheld, there's really no reason to set some people apart as a different group. Nothing defines them.

Let's look again at the standards for membership in a club as they apply to membership in the universal church. To be a member of the Lord's church one must:

1. Share the interests of those in the club (Christians must be of the same mind [Philippians 2:1-2]--reaching always toward Christ [Philippians 3:14-15])
2. Express interest in being a part of the body (this includes confessing Jesus as Lord [Romans 10:9], expressing love and desire to serve him [John 14:15], and turning away from a life of sin [Mark 1:15])
3. Be baptized into the name of the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit (This constitutes paying "dues" only in that it is a requirement for salvation just as dues are a requirement for membership in some other type of group [Acts 2:37-38])
4. Follow the rules outlined in the bible/ abstain from sin (Jesus exhorts those he has healed or forgiven to "sin no more" [John 5:14] and Paul reiterates this exhortation in Romans 6:1-4) 

They may be rigorous standards, but they aren't complicated. They are the same sort of standards we see for any other club, and although we have God's grace to help us in our weakness, we should not be unwilling to live up to the standards he has set for those who want to be a part of Him. If we will comply with standards in other things, why wouldn't we comply with them for the Lord?

Why I don't say "I believe"

I was recently writing a letter to one of my friends in which I wanted to talk about why I will continue to believe the message of the Bible. I struggled with this topic because I was tied to the phrase "I believe." I wrote things like "I believe the bible is the word of God," and "I believe that the bible has the answer for everything." These are certainly things that I believe, but they don't inherently cause me to continue to believe them. People stop believing in things all the time (Santa, the Tooth Fairy, etc). I wrestled with this problem with quite some time, until I decided to phrase my letter in a way that was true, but that made me very uncomfortable. I ended up telling my friend very simply that the Bible was the word of God whether or not I believed it, and that I am the type of person who acts upon things I know to be true.

It's interesting to me that Christians are so often uncomfortable with presenting the Bible as fact. I had another situation recently in which I was not courageous enough to talk about the bible in a way that really reflects what I know about it. As I was having a conversation with some colleagues, I said that I believed that there was only one "correct" religion. After I had written so plainly in my letter about the truth of the bible, it felt very disingenuous to call my relationship with the bible "belief." I used "believe" as mediating language to make my stance seem less exclusive instead of presenting biblical ideas as absolute guidelines that I follow.

You may be saying to yourself at this point: "You can't be 100% sure about the Bible or God or Jesus Christ, so really belief is the right word to use when discussing it."

In some ways I would agree with you, I suppose. I thought to myself several times that belief isn't necessarily an incorrect word, but then I thought about the surface of the sun.

I know the surface of the sun is very very hot. It is so hot, in fact, that I know that a person couldn't go there to find out exactly how hot it is. I don't know that anyone would disagree that the sun's surface is very hot, despite the fact that no one can go there to tell us for sure. There are several reasons that this is the case:

1. People smarter than us have assured us that the surface of the sun is hot.
2. We feel warmer in sunlight than out of sunlight
3. We see the other effects of the heat of the sun in the world around us
4. Other facts we know seem to support the idea that the sun is hot.

Without knowing 100% for certain that the surface of the sun is very very hot, we treat it as a fact. I have never heard anyone say "I am not going to go outside today because I believe that the sun is very hot." People say that they will not go outside because the sun is hot. Their confidence in what they know about the sun eliminates the need for a qualifying statement. Whether or not they "buy into" the idea of a hot sun makes no difference. The sun is hot andthat heat informs their actions.

The same sort of thing goes for God and the truth of the Bible. I don't have to qualify actions by citing my belief in different aspects of the Bible because I am assured that what I know about them is true. Many wise people who I respect very much have taught me that the God of the Bible is the true and living God. I feel the effects of prayer and the benefits of living a Christian life. Additionally, I see the Creator in the world around me (Romans 1:20). Everything I know points to a Creator, and things I know about the Bible show me its truth. My belief of disbelief is irrelevant. I act the way I do because of the absolute truth I have been exposed to.

I'm not sure what the practical ramifications of these ideas are, necessarily. Nor am I confident that I have fully explained everything I have to say on this topic. I don't think we should eliminate the word "believe" from our vocabulary, or refuse to acknowledge the faith we have as Christians. Faith is a fundamental part of my Christian walk.  However, if I understand the absolute truth of the Bible, I should not be afraid to treat its contents as facts. I think that's really what I'm getting at. Treating the Bible as a fact isn't the popular thing to do, and in modern society it can be scary to discuss anything as "absolute," but the message of the Bible is as true as the heat of the sun--and that's something that is worth standing up for.