Recently, I have noticed lots of sharers on the subject of singleness and marriage. These people fall into six main categories (maybe there are more, but these sharers are certainly the loudest): people who are single and happy, people who are married and happy, people who are single and upset, people who are single and angry about people who are married, people who are married and scoff at those who are single, and married people who are mad at single people for being mad at married people.
I'm just going to be super honest about this, not many of those groups are thinking the right way about the issue. I don't claim to know everything about being single or being married, but I do know that the bible teaches us about it.
1 Corinthians 7 (Emphasis mine)
Now concerning the matters about which you wrote: “It is good for a man not to have sexual relations with a woman.” 2 But because of the temptation to sexual immorality, each man should have his own wife and each woman her own husband. 3 The husband should give to his wife her conjugal rights, and likewise the wife to her husband. 4 For the wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. Likewise the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does. 5 Do not deprive one another, except perhaps by agreement for a limited time, that you may devote yourselves to prayer; but then come together again, so that Satan may not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.
6 Now as a concession, not a command, I say this. 7 I wish that all were as I myself am. But each has his own gift from God, one of one kind and one of another.
8 To the unmarried and the widows I say that it is good for them to remain single as I am. 9 But if they cannot exercise self-control, they should marry. For it is better to marry than to burn with passion.
10 To the married I give this charge (not I, but the Lord): the wife should not separate from her husband 11 (but if she does, she should remain unmarried or else be reconciled to her husband), and the husband should not divorce his wife.
12 To the rest I say (I, not the Lord) that if any brother has a wife who is an unbeliever, and she consents to live with him, he should not divorce her. 13 If any woman has a husband who is an unbeliever, and he consents to live with her, she should not divorce him. 14 For the unbelieving husband is made holy because of his wife, and the unbelieving wife is made holy because of her husband. Otherwise your children would be unclean, but as it is, they are holy. 15 But if the unbelieving partner separates, let it be so. In such cases the brother or sister is not enslaved. God has called you to peace. 16 For how do you know, wife, whether you will save your husband? Or how do you know, husband, whether you will save your wife?
17 Only let each person lead the life that the Lord has assigned to him, and to which God has called him. This is my rule in all the churches. 18 Was anyone at the time of his call already circumcised? Let him not seek to remove the marks of circumcision. Was anyone at the time of his call uncircumcised? Let him not seek circumcision. 19 For neither circumcision counts for anything nor uncircumcision, but keeping the commandments of God. 20 Each one should remain in the condition in which he was called. 21 Were you a bondservant when called? Do not be concerned about it. (But if you can gain your freedom, avail yourself of the opportunity.) 22 For he who was called in the Lord as a bondservant is a freedman of the Lord. Likewise he who was free when called is a bondservant of Christ. 23 You were bought with a price; do not become bondservants of men. 24 So, brothers, in whatever condition each was called, there let him remain with God.
25 Now concerning the betrothed, I have no command from the Lord, but I give my judgment as one who by the Lord's mercy is trustworthy. 26 I think that in view of the present distress it is good for a person to remain as he is. 27 Are you bound to a wife? Do not seek to be free. Are you free from a wife? Do not seek a wife. 28 But if you do marry, you have not sinned, and if a betrothed woman marries, she has not sinned. Yet those who marry will have worldly troubles, and I would spare you that. 29 This is what I mean, brothers: the appointed time has grown very short. From now on, let those who have wives live as though they had none, 30 and those who mourn as though they were not mourning, and those who rejoice as though they were not rejoicing, and those who buy as though they had no goods, 31 and those who deal with the world as though they had no dealings with it. For the present form of this world is passing away.
32 I want you to be free from anxieties. The unmarried man is anxious about the things of the Lord, how to please the Lord. 33 But the married man is anxious about worldly things, how to please his wife, 34 and his interests are divided. And the unmarried or betrothed woman is anxious about the things of the Lord, how to be holy in body and spirit. But the married woman is anxious about worldly things, how to please her husband. 35 I say this for your own benefit, not to lay any restraint upon you, but to promote good order and to secure your undivided devotion to the Lord.
36 If anyone thinks that he is not behaving properly toward his betrothed, if his passions are strong, and it has to be, let him do as he wishes: let them marry—it is no sin. 37 But whoever is firmly established in his heart, being under no necessity but having his desire under control, and has determined this in his heart, to keep her as his betrothed, he will do well. 38 So then he who marries his betrothed does well, and he who refrains from marriage will do even better.
39 A wife is bound to her husband as long as he lives. But if her husband dies, she is free to be married to whom she wishes, only in the Lord. 40 Yet in my judgment she is happier if she remains as she is. And I think that I too have the Spirit of God.
In the above passage (it's lengthy, sorry not sorry, it's important) I've keyed in on some things that I think are really important. In red I've emphasized the positive things Paul had to say to single people (it is good for them to remain single, the unmarried man is anxious about the things of the Lord, etc.). In blue I've emphasized the positive things Paul said to those who wished to marry or were married (they should marry, you have not sinned, etc.). However, the most pertinent points to the discussion here I bolded throughout the text.
But each has his own gift from God
- It's ridiculous to think that we are all the same. We aren't all the same and we aren't all going to be going though the same experiences at the same times or be called by the Lord to do the same things.
- In whatever circumstance you find yourself, live your life. God gave you the life he gave you and he wants you to use it, not be mad about it.
- Keeping God's commandments is of the utmost importance, no matter what your circumstance is.
- Be about the Lord's business, don't worry about the things of the world.
- Christians should want other Christians to be fully devoted to the Lord (married or single, Paul tells us marriage isn't wrong. It's from God)
- The one who marries does well and the one who doesn't marry does well. Paul says that the unmarried will do better only because he can be fully devoted to the Lord. The key to his success is not singleness, it is devotion.
The important thing is not if we are married or if we are single. The important thing is that we are serving God in every circumstance. Some people are married right now and some people aren't. Some people will eventually get married, and some people wont. Their task is not different, only their circumstance.
God gave us marriage, but he also gave us times in our life when we aren't married. Let's make the best use of both circumstances, and be happy for our brothers and sisters who get to serve God in a different way than we do at this particular moment. There is no need to pity ourselves, or the people who are in a different stage in their lives than we are. And there is no reason to be bitter or angry that other people are happy in their circumstances. There is only a need to be fully devoted to the Lord.
So, thinking again about the issue of Facebook that I started with...instead of typing out long diatribes about who is wrong or right or who lives a better life than whom, we could exhort each other in a more productive way:
If right now you are single, that's great! Do God's work.
If right now you are married, that's great too! Do God's work together.
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